Ed's a dick: A Limerick, and Possibly More

I hesitated to post this one for a while because of its sassy nature, but we're all adults here, right? In any case, you've been warned.

"Ed's a dick" comes in two flavors: a limerick and a longer "poem." The quote marks once again do a lot of work here. I'd like to say either version is a thoughtful take on the male body's betrayal when intimacy is paramount, but really, it's just an excuse to be silly.

"Ed's a Dick:" A Limerick

There once was a dick full of pride,

Whose stiffness could not be denied.

But now he's a flop,

With no spring or pop—

Just a noodle done with the ride.

"Ed's a Dick:" A "Poem"

Here lies my dick.

He used to be a fun trick,

A thick pleasure stick.

But he fell on hard times,

Guilty of soft crimes.

Now devoid of life's zest,

He can't salute your perky breasts.

Not even your glorious ass

Can restore his previous mass.

And so here lies my dick,

As brainless as a brick,

And upstaged by a bread stick.

Bow your heads, and tip your cap —

He died without a clap.