I HAVE LOST ME

A little while ago, a musician friend of mine wrote a song to raise awareness about ADHD and neurodivergence. Jenn Desantis asked other artists to contribute on Instagram and other social networks by using the hashtag "imnotwhatyouthinkiam."

My first idea was to draw a four-panel cartoon, similar to "Terms and Conditions Apply." It would focus on anxiety, masking, and imposter syndrome, which are my daily nemeses. As each drawing attempt looked increasingly worse, I took a different direction and wrote lyrics for a song instead.

I haven't composed music for it yet, but in my head this track would feel at home in Depeche Mode's "Violator" album.

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Trying to look a lot cooler than I really am :-)

"I Have Lost Me"

Verse 1

I wore my smiles like a clown

Let too many voices drag me down.

Every mask I kept became a chain,

As pieces of me slipped down the drain.

Pre-chorus 1

I was dreaming in colors,

Now it’s shadows and doubt.

I once knew the answers,

But they all fade out.

Chorus 1

I have lost me

My eyes are closed

and my voice is gone

I have lost me

Verse 2

I traded fire for a safety net,

Took the obvious roads, learned to forget.

The spark I carried slipped through my hands,

I can’t find the place where I used to stand.

Pre-Chorus 2

I was dreaming in colors,

Now it’s shadows and doubt.

I fell asleep in gilded cages

And missed what living’s about.

Chorus 2

I have lost me

My eyes are closed

and my voice is gone

I have lost me

Bridge + Instrumental section

The choices echo, the silence grows.

A hollow reflection, nobody knows.

Final Chorus / Outro

I have lost me

(you're gone, you're gone)

No light to burn

I wore too many faces,

and I missed my turn.

I have lost me

(you're done, you're done)

The mirror’s wrong,

My eyes are closed

and my voice is gone.